"I'm happy to be a single mom.."
"Yea I'm a baby Mama", "I'm do this for me and mine" , "I do this for us.."
I, I, I... Boo, calm down, this is not a glamorous job.
Yes I myself, being the BigBonedBarbie I am, make it look good. I'm confident in who I am , Mortgage, Career, Side Hustles, and I'm making it. My child finished the school year with Honor Roll , and I have it together.. on the outside, but a lot of planning, logistics, work, repetitive phrases, and patience goes into this.. we can do it in 5" heels, but lets be honest, we need to Praise the Proper Parts of our Path!
Ladies you SHOULD be more excited to be able bodied , capable of being the sole provider, and of your accomplishments this far. However lets NOT dismiss the fact that any additional assistance in providing wouldn't be appreciated, and dismissing previous assistance thus far is a disservice to yourself & others close to you.
It comes off as overall unappreciative..
What about that school nurse, assistant principal , secretary, coach, girlfriend, & other individuals that cross your child's path? the people that speak in the grocery store, or out and about. The PE teacher who helped them burn off that energy so he would sit still later, or the teacher who called you because she knows you're a single mom, that works late/works all the time, and hates the kids homework too, yet want to be aware of any issues immediately, because you are a concerned parent... How about.. Even the child's father..
Yup i said it , the baby daddy.,
Now this won't apply to those of you who have no support due to an incarceration situation, or those of you with court docs and stuff.. .. But for those of you who are communicating , but it really feels more like crumbling.. or crippling, and you find yourself cringing .. this is for you.
So in my mind If the man is in the position to help in any way shape or form it should be appreciated..
Yea they should automatically jump to it as we do ladies, but,,,,
WHEN THEY DON'T What's your next step? If they Don't step up, are you encouraging them to?
Ok he paid his child support late but.. He did pay it right..
It should be understood when paying bills some additional " fees" my be involved but life fees ladies? I.e. limited visitation etc.. No visit, no fam no calls, But is it fair?. He isn't delinquent any longer..
Just as we have to build a credit balance again when paying bills we should do the same with each other
Now as a disclaimer I get it, if there is or may negative energy and/ or always negative conversation when talking to an ex..
But i think if you can communicate that "you do want the relationship to improve"
and indicate you "want to work towards treating each other differently..."
It would be received well... possibly positively..
We should be able to be build back, half of the guys young mothers have children with they met when they were changing classes at a locker.. So now you preach I'm Grown, . ok well stop talking to them in the "day we met" mentality.. Introduce them to the grown you.
I now require timeframes of when you want to see your children
what works for you , I will see what works for me and we can discuss arrangements
place him on your new level. Don't bicker, why carry on a conversation if you know its not going anywhere..
but ladies we must also listen, and reiterate what he said literally, and state facts
Him: I wanna see him, you always busy
Back in the day you: That's that S#!t I'm talkin about always neglecting your responsibilities
Grown You: so I'm hearing you say I'm hard to catch up with, Of course I'm busy, but
If you would like to be incorporated into our daily schedule I'd appreciate seeing some more consistency from you, so we can build our PARENTING Relation ship up again..
That was a mouthful, and a mountain to some of you with strained relationships.. for someone that statement above spelled out something they couldn't communicate previously.. but in a nutshell, for those of us taking baby steps, we have to advise out men we want to trust again ..and this goes both ways, as in trust in each other, YOU Be the example..
Why not try to Thank him for paying his support .. Late as it may be.. Even when you pay Comcast 2 months late they say thanks afterwards.. (And they even continue the service for a while.. some of you would be SOL if they cut it off Day 1 LATE! )
But they THANK YOU because you finally made an effort, before thy had to call some other folks in...
Advise him how much it helped to receive the money, stick to specifics "this & this were due, thanks for keeping up, this money / time helps to provide.. Food /lunch, field trips copays etc"
It might be the turning point..
Now if the man makes effort ,, Let go then let God & the courts decide ..
I digress.. I could talk about that topic for days.. But...
Back To the original topic to deny it takes a village is an understatement, and disservice to yourself. Don't treat the most visible as though thy are invisible .. We need to appreciate others more..
So don't be " Happy to be a single
mom" , be "Happy to succeed in your journey as a single mother and appreciative of those who are around you on the way, and support your vision"
